I am quitting my job, and I only have 18 days left!  I am so excited about my options now that I have the freedom to figure out what I want.  Maybe I'll finally get certified to teach yoga, or just continue to take classes.  Or maybe I'll start my floorcloth company that I've wanted to start for ages, but never had the time or energy to do...  There is SO much that I'm ready to accomplish.  I finished my Masters degree by defending my thesis a few weeks ago, and now I can let that go, and focus on things I LOVE!  I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to begin anew. 

I have this job, that I am beginning to despise, which makes me insane!!  I have spent time and money earning my masters degree to do something I hate!?!  The worst part is that I feel so guilty because I could do sooo much good with this job, but I'm SO bogged down in paperwork, stress, behavior management, laws, procedure, mundane tasks etc. that by the time I get down to the meat and potatoes of things, I have nothing left!  I try to go in every day with a good attitude and a smile, and I just feel beat down before I begin.  This job is just so against my natural personality and tendencies toward peace, working hard, respect for yourself and others, quiet, calm, order...  I'm just in over my head.  I don't know why I'm writing this... just to get it out I guess.  I'm not looking for answers, just direction.  Maybe, I hope, looking back and reading my entries I'll be able to figure out my way in life.  I just feel SO out of place right now.  Ever day is a struggle and I loathe getting out of bed every morning to go to this place.  The second my feet hit the ground I am dreading my day... I even wake up numerous times during the night thinking about things that I have to do, or worrying about what I'm going to have to deal with the next day.  I'm not even PAID well! Lol!  Not that money is everything, but I could make the same amount doing something else I enjoy.  My problem is that I've always been a people pleaser and I've never done things for myself.  I didn't go to the college I wanted to...I didnt major in something that I loved, I feel like I've lost myself along the way, and I'm doomed to follow this path I'm on forever.  I know I'm not, but I feel SO STUCK!  Ugh.  Yucky day.

You think you find love, lose love. 
Feel the cool and warm pulse the beat that wakes you every day.  Phenomenal power of love.  The peace within, however brief, will never be forgotten. 
The love once felt forever present if only in your soul. 
In a fleeting flying floating haze of a memory of bygone, never again to be touched. 
Only loved in reminicence.  The painful joyful ache of it all. 

No regrets for who regrets having loved. 

Or having been loved.  No great sadness for loss, no emptyness. 
Love will be found again, truer and stronger. 
One love whose life beats its time at the same rhythm as your own heart and whose soul could enter you and spend the time in perfect sanctuary. 

Blissfully aware of the change, passionately loving the new as ages old and forever beautiful.  Wild passion melts with perfect blue serenity and two are one without choice not by chance.